spring here i come

i like listening to podcasts about true crime, but more of the scamming kind and other less bloody stuff. i have a fondness for bloody stuff of course but when i started with podcasts my interest just seemed to shift to these stories that were more about human behavior while still f**ked up. i just finished one called Believe in Magic. these "cancer stories" are some of the most entertaining in this genre. then i started Filtry Ritual. what i do find weird is when the story is about a "basic" financial scam, and the otherwise reasonable and smart host/s exlaim "...at this point we still did not know why s/he did this". umm, u dont know why someone scams money? i think its a filler sentence but it comes off as a bit daft. 

me and doctor went to see this art exhibition/experience called Frameless. it was honestly delightful and i enjoyed it. rhe music and feeling were something different. the funny thing is i found it through a colleague's post in our work slack as "if anyone goes to London, this could be fun". well thanks, it was. ive been recommending it to everyone, just chilling while watching moving colours and patterns was great.

this is a busy weekend, i got nails, lashes, hair and botox done. yesterday when i had my botox redone, my "fav" dr was not available so i had to go to another clinic and another dr and i was not as pleased but it is what it is. in 1-2 weeks i'll see the results and then i will definitively know how i feel about her work.

Neal Brennan's new netflix special Crazy Good is funny. the end esp had me howling.

bruno is not impressed by friday

just finished this. bruno leaves my puzzles alone which is great.

frameless;

this is a pretty good year so far. my mood has been overall high.

kesälomia suunnitellessa

syntyvyys on jännä juttu. evoluution puolesta elävien olentojen geeneissä on ohjelmointi lisääntyä, mutta me ollaan keksitty ehkäisy ja muitakin kivoja juttuja, jottei ole pakko. hesarin jutussa syntyvyydestä kerrotaan että aika vaikeaa (mahdotonta) on suunnan kääntäminen. annat naisille vähän elintasoa, koulutusta ja valtaa omaan kroppaansa ja... ne ei hankikaan määrättömästi lapsia. voi olla että miehetkin ilahuu asiasta vaikkei se rasita niiden elämää perinteisesti yhtä paljoa. etelä-koreassa hankitaan ilmeisesti vain 0,72 lasta per nainen. mut tuntuu vaikeelta et jokainen maa erikseen itkee syntyvyyden laskua kun planeetalla on enempi ihmisiä kuin koskaan ennen, niiden pitäs voida jakaantua vaan vähän tasaisemmin ehkä. 

olen lukenut ihan huippuhyvää kirjaa nimeltä Ihmeköynnös (by Maija Laura Kauhanen), se jaksaa viihdyttää, mietityttää ja ajatelluttaa. tällaiset autofiktiiviset tarinat on mun yks lempikategoria. no mulla ei ole montaa kategoriaa ylipäätään kyllä. mutta kirja on mahtava ehkä mulle erityisesti siksi että siinä on tuttuja aiheita tai ajatuksia; feminismi, matkailu, ulkomailla asuminen, rasismi, seksuaalisuus, valkoisen länkkärin etuoikeudet... ja niitä käsitellään kielellä joka mulle sopii. ja tykkään siitä että kirja rikkoo "neljättä seinää". monia noita aiheita en ole nähny käsitellyn tolleen, ehkä olen ollu pää pensaassa... mutta olen jotenkin tosi innostunut että löysin jotain tuoretta ja jännää. se että kirjoittajan fiksuus tulee niin kirkkaasti ja humoristisesti läpi on ilahduttavaa.

Long Playn yhdessä viikkokirjeessä oli matkailusta asiaa. tai siitä kuin se 'ei oikeastaan olekaan sivistävää niinku joskus ajateltiin'. musta siinä oli vähän ehkä vedetty mutkia suoriks, niinku ehkä et kaikki matkailu olis lentämistä (niinku se toki suominäkökulmasta about onkin) ja et sen tarkoitus on aina vaan joku ylimielinen lomailu tai "itsensä sivistäminen". sitä se tietty paljon on ja sitä mäkin harrastan. mut onhan se muutakin. se on kans sukulointia, työreissuja ja vaikka gradun tutkimukseen liittyvää selvitystyötä. miehen anoppi kävi just meillä visiitillä, ekaa kertaa ikinä ulkomailla. ei ollu musta sellainen länsimaalaisen ylellisyysreissu, vaan silläkin on ikää ja halusi nähdä missä poikansa asuu ja elää ja ylläpitää sitä suhdetta. on sekin totta et se ei ole ekologista ja jos koko maailma yhtäkkiä lentelis syystä tai toisesta ni ilmastonmuutos kiihtyisi entisestään. käsittääkseni nyt lentomatkailu on syypäänä 4%:iin ilmastonmuutoksesta. jos siitä ottas pois ne työmatkat ja "sukuloinnit" ja ehkä jotkut muut ylevämpänä pidetyt syyt ni silti jäljellä jäis varmaan ainakin puolet sellasta ihan "jenni menee kreikkaan rannalle" tai "jenni on aina halunnut käydä mexico cityssä". 

juttu kyllä ehkä keskittyykin just tohon lomamatkailuun. mut sit mietin viel sitä etteikö matkailu sivistäis. ehkä se sana ei ole hyvä, ja ehkä siis olenki samaa mieltä osittain... mitä sivistys nyt sit merkitseekin?  mut kyl se vaan v**** avartaa. tiedän että oma maailmankuva ei olisi samalla tapaa auennut ja luonne kehittynyt jos olisin istunut suomessa ja vaikka olisin lukenut mitä kirjoja. koska jutun kirjoittajalla on hyvä pointti siitä että lukeminen on myös access kokemiseen ja tietämiseen. niinku varmaan myös jotkut dokkarit ja muut. mut ei se kyl sama ole. toisaalta, ei ole mikään ihmisoikeus tai absoluuttinen tarve "avartaa" mieltä, ehkä olen vähän jumissa siinä että pidän sitä itseisarvona jota en kyseenalaista. että se nyt on vaan hyvä asia johon pitäisi pyrkiä?  ja tietysti ihan se että olen niin etuoikeutettu että mulla on aikaa ja mahdollisuus moiseen. mut jos ja kun mulla on sitä etuoikeutettua aikaa & rahaa.... niin mikä on sit oikea, eettinen tapa käyttää sitä? olisiko mielen avartaminen ihan vaan lukemalla sit kuitenki ylevää? ehkei pitäsikään pyrkiä siihen, vaan esim. omavaraisuuteen ja aika menisi kätsysti omalla tomaattipellolla. jutussa mainitaan et ehkä jos sankarimatkaajia viel on ni se on joku joka on selvinnyt Turusta Pariisiin junalla missaamatta yhtään yhteyttä. en ihan tienny et oliko tossa jotain sarkasmia vai kelasko Silfverberg oikeesti et sit sen matkansa on ansainnu jos on tehnyt sen tolleen. saanko mä siis mennä brysselliin avartamaan mieltäni jos teen sen junalla vai pitäskö hävetä ihan yhtä paljon ku jos olis lentäny? vai onko se junayhteyksien määrä mikä tekee siitä ehkä jotenki ok, et jos se on ollu vaikeeta? bussihan varmaan ei olis ok koska se ehkä saastuttaa enempi? mitä jos matkustan iso-britannian sisällä, siis jos meen lomalle Liverpooliin - pilaanko Liverpoolia. vai koskiko matkailun kohteen pilaaminen vaan ei-länsimaisia kohteita. ei kai, koska jutussa viitattiin toiseen mielenkiintoiseen Long Play juttuun; Rovaniemen markkinoilla. välihuomio: musta oli viihdyttävää et toi ilmesty päivää ennenku mentiin mun reddit-kavereiden kanssa rovaniemelle. ihan rehellisinä turisteina, eli just ihan tismalleen niitä mistä tekstissä puhutaan, ja oltiin vielä airbnb:ssäkin. osu ja uppos niin hyvin että kyllä hymyilytti ja irvistytti.

lisäys: Artulla oli hyvä pointti tuosta "sivistyksestä"sivistyksestä kun puhuin tästä artikkelista. että 90-luvulla matkailu oli sivistävää koska se avarsi maailmankuvaa, nyt ei koska siihen liittyy ekologisia ja kulttuurillisia ongelmia. no niin, hyvin sanottu. moni asia voi olla totta yhtä aikaa.

big boy Bruno

spotify just advertised Justin Timberlake's new album to me, im a bit disappointed at the targeting here, but maybe the record company paid extra to blast the ad to *everyone*? still. nothing against the artists it's just that ive never listened to him. typically spotify will tell me about new music from artists i already like so this was a bit off. 

our new foster kitty is big boy Bruno. he has a large open wound on his neck which seems impossible to keep covered as the bandage moves and gets scrunched up. but he is such a loving, chill cat like no other. he is always looking for petting and is genuinely pretty good with the bandage change which i imagine is not fun at all for him. he is keeping me company as doctor is away at a meditation retreat. altho tbh i dont mind being alone at all, i quite enjoy it. Bruno will stay with us perhaps until my next trip to finland.

Bruno ready for bandage change.

 

Bruno follows me around like a dog. here he is accompanying me to the toilet.

 

the bottom bit of the wound easily becomes visible. kind of gringe but im doing exactly what the vet told me and following up on it. pink colour is actualy good (white and yellow not).

the staircase of our house with the fire exit light making it green in the night. 

 

ate at a local gastropub (Pig's Head) with Janica last night. she was visiting me thursday until today. her help with Bruno was invaluable as the bandage change is a 2 person job. tomorrow i have a friend coming over to help out and tuesday i might have to skip (vet said this is allowed), and doctor is returning home on wednesday.  

we had a small get together at our place last weekend, right before doctor left. it was nice to see friends even if it always means me stressing about everything. turned out nice tho.

labyrinth of my past

i got called to jury duty. technically, i received a letter. ive always thought "well that could be interesting!" but now that i realise the reality of it, less so. i have no idea how long i'll be off work and how to plan for that AND i'll lose MONEY... so im less pleased. they reimburse up to 65gbp per day which really wont cover my losses... anyway, its happening. i hope it will be interesting AND short.

i have my birthday in a couple days. ive been thinking of myself as a 44 yr old for like a month already so wont really feel different. not sure why i took a headstart. just realised maybe i should get a birthday present for myself? i have everything though. maybe some

my trip to finland was slightly different from the usual. i spent the first week with Raissa & Aleks, being a "tourist guide" and a bit of a tourist myself - visited helsinki cathedral for the first time, among other things. learned new stuff like how old is helsinki, lol. the night train to rovaniemi was nice (and day train back to helsinki even more so) and there, we enjoyed plenty of sauna, incl snow sauna at the ice hotel, and santa claus village etc. in helsinki i spent less time than usual so didnt get to meet all my friends but i will return soon enough, so..

ice hotel restaurant

a sexy "igloo" room at the ice hotel - all the rooms have different designs

brunch in rovaniemi

night train (12h)

 day train (8.5h) - above the restaurant car, perfect view and spot to work.

 

Oodi library - loved the design and atmosphere.

Kiila restaurant staircase

my chill sunday. listening to Leonard Cohen and looking at the rain outside. its hard to focus on one thing so i spread my reading time over 3 diff books. read the first 30 pages of a finnish book (on the history of beauty ideals and who's defined them) that Eufemia gifted to me - spot on in my alley. i keep reading bits of The Authority Gap again and again. and then im slowly pushing through What We Owe Each Other: A New Social Contract cos its a bit heavy.

 cute new-ish bar in helsinki, Struts, with a nice queer vibe.

womens day was this friday - i received flowers from work. despite some heartbreaking setbacks here and there, overall it gets better being a woman year by year on this planet.

what else happened past few weeks... i kept raving about Poor Things to everyone, ate salmon almost daily, am planning a house party and started taking on new responsibilities at work (project coordination related).

songs im loving lately (spotify links)
Lykke Li: Gunshot
Kristin Amparo: I've Seen The Devil
Les Deux Love Orchestra: The Moth & The Flame

found this holiday snap from my phone and went "f*** thats hot". i feel lucky. 

bad girls

i was out to buy something in the late afternoon and every second man i saw was carrying a bouquet of roses. ah, its valentines day, so makes sense. i forgot about the whole thing and ordered a grocery delivery for tonight. dr forgot as well, he is even less interested than me. now he is ordering take away though. im just keen on maybe getting to watch The Apprentice tonight and do some life admin that i've procrastinated.

a couple days ago i got a new tattoo. its been years and i finally felt inspired again. just took time to get my head around it, find the right artist etc. by chance the one i found (volkan demirci) is turkish and we had a good chat about the bars in kadiköy etc - we have enjoyed the same areas of istanbul. the tattoo is basically just my thought of how there is a universe inside of everyone. (perhaps an ironic idea, when we are all also just a grain of sand arent we)

last week i was in Toronto to see Hanna and her new home. Carilyn only joined us on wednesday. 3 middle aged women and wine.... we had a blast. i worked monday to wednesday but it was lonely as i could only catch a few afternoon meetings. mostly we just hung out at Hanna's and chilled, the purpose was to catch up on things really. also before Carilyn's arrival we watched True Detective S1 - which i had not seen (it was on my list, just never got around to it).

and we played Bad People of course. harsh truths, lol.

aside from airport, a pub and a couple of restaurants the only thing i saw was the shoe museum which is near Hanna. so this was really truly just a visit to a friend. i did see KPR too one afternoon, its been 18 years so... weird. but he looked pretty much the same. 

Button & Sprung where i got the mattress from sent this sock with it. it said that to receive the pair i should leave an interview. kind of exxtortion... but i was quite happy with everything so i did it. not thay i need more socks but...

im still thinking about Poor Things. Guardian asked several film critics, writers and others to give their thoughts and it was a mixed bag, but very interesting to read.

and finland has a new president. not the one i voted for, but also im realistic and honestly it could be worse. so im just mildly disappointed.

a woman plotting her course to freedom

we had a date night last night and went to see Poor Things before a dinner in a nearby Georgian restaurant. i had just watched the trailer but forgotten most of it so i was going almost blind. i have seen  Lanthimos' earlier film Lobster so i did in a way have high expectations. anyway i really loved Poor Things. it was inspiring and feminist and i left the cinema with a smile. how often do we see female main characters whose life goal isn't to be married and whose story doesnt entirely jus depend on "the guy"? also it was sex positive and thought evoking. so, i will be recommending it to everyone. maybe i shouldspend rest of tonight watching another Lanthimos film that i missed previously, like The Killing of a Sacred Deer. ppl have also told me to watch Leave the World Behind.

today was presidential election day in finland, one of those times when its practical to be 2h behind finland, i'll see the results before my bedtime. wow, that makes me sound like such an old person. but sundays are just crucial to setting the tone for the week, going to bed early etc. im sleeping really poorly lately tho, waking up here and there. it was better for a moment but back to shit now. as if my ability to focus wasnt already impaired... being sleep deprived doesnt help. i tink getting 2 separate mattresses did help tho, i feel dr moving less and at least wont wake up to that - as often. 

i voted by mail in the election, but for the 2nd round i'll be in a hurry to post my vote. letters can travel in 3 days between the countries but the finnish post is so notoriously unreliable these days i dont trust it much. it tends to take a week. and its bold to blame the finnish post instead of royal mail, but really, that is where the problem most likely lies. royal mail is one of the (very) few things functioning smoothly in this country. in finland id say its visa versa.

our dinner at The Georgian last night.

another dinner... at The Windmill pub nearby. me and Aseel shared a vegan plate that was huge.

last year me and dr wrote appreciative notes and other positive thoughts and put them in this jar. the other week we sat down and actually read them. a lot of memories came back. it was a nice excercise.

grey fur

i have had 2 pilates classes now with our little furball fosters Jerry & Gilbert (weird names?), they love to participate, which is not necessary helpful but is very cute. today i literally had jerry hanging from my leggings with his claws while i was trying pull my leg up. the leggins survived more less, and next saturday i'll be alone again as the boys are going to their forever home tomorrow. i will miss them dearly but theres positives to not having pets, obviously. theyve been such little angels though, just what i needed in my life. little soft babies that i can cuddle. theyre so loving and love to come for attention and petting. its good to get that little bit of kitty energy, feel the soft fur, hear the purr. they are the cutest little things, ive suffered from cute overload...

Larry the single father (for a while)

museum of homelesness looks interesting. 

the "maaate" campaign by London against violence and harassment towards women has been critisized for being too "soft" but i do believe it could prove helpful in a less visible sense, and shouldnt be compared to things like harsher sentencing or police training on the subject etc. its soft mindset shifting that needs to happen and its very visible in the tube and around the city. so while not the mos succesful campaign... its better than nothing and not a replacement for other actions.

our local post office, right across from us, is closing. there was a consultation about it but i feel like it was already decided and so pretty useless.

i get annoyed when things are forced on me. so Klarna is really aggresively trying to take on the market and i see it everywhere. okay. i mean no, i don't want to pay my 5£ tights with a 3 month plan, but im ntot offended at being offered payment options. however just now that i booked an appt somewhere, and they required a 50£ booking fee, the only option was that they send me a Klarna link and i pay through that. okay. EXCEPT, it forced me to create an account, and when i added my card, it just informed me that it'll be saved for future use. like wtf? i was essentially forced into creating an account AND now they hold onto my card details. and when i look at the payment confirmation emails for a link to go to my brand new compulory account (to delete it)t, it has a "view more details in the KLARNA APP" link? not happening. f*** this s***.

suomalainen salatiede

olen etenkin viime vuonna nauttinut Long Playn artikkeleista , joita suosittelen kaikille lämpimästi. viime vuonna kuuntelin ja luin myös jotain suomalaisia kirjoja joista tykkäsin tosi paljon;
Aino Frilander: Los Angeles -esseet
Ari-Joonas Pitkänen et al: Kiina Xi Jingpingin aikakaudella
Järvinen, Kolbe: Sopivia ja sopimattomia - lempi, luokka ja suomalainen parisuhde
Mirja Hämäläinen: Ystävyys
Tommi Uschanov: Kuinka musiikkia käytetään
Häkkinen & Iitti: Valonkantajat - välähdyksiä suomalaisesta salatieteestä
Philip Teir: J&B
Riie Heikkilä et al: Suomalainen maku
Jaakko Tahkokallio: Pimeä aika
(jotkut noista saatoin aloittaa jo 2022, en ole varma)
listan niistä joista en pitänyt, jätän väliin.

(suomalaisten kirjojen) lukulistalla jonossa:
Holmila & Kari: Miksi Venäjä toimii niin kuin se toimii
Tommi Uschanov: Sininen tango
Uschanov & Vartiainen: Keskustelu taloudesta

mä en ymmärrä miks kun on kanavart nimeltään nelonen ja MTV 3(?) ni miks niiden nettipalvelut on nimetty Ruutu ja Katsomo...? wtf? ihan ku niitä ei haluttais yhdistää toisiinsa tai ne olis joku pieni osa jonkun ison yrityksen toimintaa, niinku Discoveryn omistama TV5 tms. - joka varmaan kannattaakin brändätä erikseen suomessa. ja ne on just sitä itseään, eli ohjelmia mitä ne tarjoaa, suorana tai jälkikäteen. voi olla et olen missannu jotain tosi oleellista, mut onko järkee sanoo et katsoin jotain ohjelmaa "neloselta" jos se tuli suoraan telkasta tai "ruudusta" jos palvelun kautta, ihan ku ne olis eri asiat? 

mun pitäs alkaa tekee veroilmoitusta, siksi on helpompi räyhätä ohjelmapalveluiden nimistä.

pool dreams

im not into "year wrap up's" but wanting to quickly go through 2023 anyway. i became a british citizen which is probably the biggest event. i (we) started fostering cats, continuing that in 2024. my step sister visited me which was lovely. i got more familiar with AI, as did the rest of the world... but like, really, for my work i put some effort into learning more. i traveled on 3 continents. i read some good books, such as The Authority Gap by Sieghart. i watched Love is Blind, Amazing Race Finland, Physical 100,  Black Mirror, Barbie, Oppenheimer, Tinder Swindler amongst others. i was also dealing with my "midlife revolution" which didnt seem to lead anywhere and has since calmed down. i went to get botox between my brows - not the first time -  but decided to make it a habit now and will return soon. i also bought a super quiet toothbrush, lol.  

a few people have asked if i have any new years resolutions. which i dont. im just gonna try my best, for myself, and thats that. i of course want to keep eating healthy, moving more... but thats not particularly new year-y, its something always on my mind. the latter bit is what needs more work. i hope to put my best effort in at work, i certaily enjoy it more when i learn new things. 

we spent the last 10 days of the year in Egypt, where it was reasonably warm at around 24c. heated pool was the main selling point though, i really wanted to dip into something WARM. i found this lush green resort with swim up rooms and heated pool and spent my best times in there, listening to music and dancing, reading while sitting on the ledge and floating. the silence under water is really calming. 

intro to my pool time. which almost reads as a leg/foot fetish but is just my well documented interest in capturing the moments from my POV.

 

dr taught me backgammon

bar/restaurant

breakfast

hotel at night

went on a boat tour to snorkle and see corals. we stopped over at this lagoon in the middle of the sea, where the water was only up to waist, super clear, and white sand. funny to stand there in the middle of the sea with no beach in sight.

chilling in the pool

our cabana for the stay. loved laying there, listening to the waves and reading. i willingly admit a lot of my reading is news, social media and articles - but if thats how i roll then nothing wrong with it.

the last sunset of the year at Hurghada airport. we arrived home 23:40, just in time to turn on BBC to see Rick Astley, the fireworks and raise a glass with our palestinian friends/neighbours, who rushed in right after our arrival. the fireworks were partly visible from our window too so it was cool. but it was a long day and and we crashed right after.

The New Yorker: Hasan Minhaj's Emotional Truth's

podcasts (spotify links):
Scamanda
A Very British Cult
Frozen Lies

next month i plan on going to Toronto to see Hanna as she is moving to her new place, we didnt meet this year at all so will be good to spend some one on one time together, i miss her. 

some books on my reading list:
Eve Babitz: Slow Days, Fast Company
Simone De Beauvoir: The Woman Destroyed
Anu Bradford: Digital Empires
Michel J Sandel: The Tyranny of Merit

i think i really enjoy autobiographical novels (a lá On The Road) and stream of consciousness type of reading.